By Gabriela Schaar Ford
Photographs by Deb Peterson • Styled by Kelly Householder-Giuliano
Like many needy teenagers, I thought I had found the love of my life—at 14. In the heat of passion, hormones awake, my sweetheart convinced me to prove my love. Short story…I got pregnant. At 15, I was a naïve wife to another immature teenager and mother to a beautiful boy who was born with an illness with a high risk for becoming blind. My baby had three surgeries, the first when he was just 3 months old, and his father walked away from us. I was abandoned, scared, and had no skills.
Fortunately, my family gave me a good foundation. I was raised in a bilingual environment—Spanish and English—and language became my main skill for providing for myself and my child.
My mother always said to me, “I expect you to be the best you can be. Your baby is not an orphan, so you better start doing something.”
There was little time and money to continue my education. Regardless, I was determined that someday I would accomplish my dream of getting a college degree. I took as many courses as I could, and read all kinds of books. Close to my 18th birthday, I married again and gained two stepchildren (5 and 3 years old), and I gave birth to a baby girl.
At 22, I achieved my first success—I got certified as a TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages), and got a great job at the National Polytechnic Institute (IPN) in Mexico City. My personal life was still chaotic. I have never felt as old and miserable as when I was 25 years old—married to an adulterous alcoholic man and the lonely mother of four innocent children I loved more than anything else in the world. I took my kids and left him.
But I never stopped dreaming—dreaming of being in Paris, traveling around Europe! I imagined myself speaking a third language. I dreamed of walking the stage, receiving my college degree. I fantasized about reinventing my life and relocating to another country. I wanted to run away from sadness and despair. I was tired of being surrounded by negative people telling me to stop daydreaming.
Steven Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, was one of the books that inspired me to take action to reinvent my life. I realized that with each vivid dream, I had started with the end in mind (the first habit).
There is no doubt I made a lot of foolish mistakes when I was a young woman, and I am grateful for the people who were there for me. My mother pushed me hard to bring out the best in me; at the end of the day, I always knew that I could run to her for support, and I still can.
I am grateful for my dearest grandparents, Angela and Carlos—Mama-Gela and Pappy, as I always called them. Mama-Gela taught me to be consistent and disciplined, and all the necessary skills that, according to her, a lady should master, from administering a house budget to setting the table when entertaining family and friends. She always said to me, “You need to learn how to do everything, while hoping you never have to do it.” Most of all, Mama-Gela taught me to take care of my mother, my husband, and my own kids. Pappy taught me to enjoy the simple things in life.
I am also grateful for the people who believed in me and gave me opportunities to learn on the job. Achieving a college degree was a dream come true, but many of my skills were gained on-the-job. I got my first management position when I was 17 years old, and my first certification when I was 20.
My advice to younger women is to believe that you were born marvelous; be accountable; be yourself; learn from your mistakes and other people’s mistakes; and enjoy every stage of your life.
I am now 54 years young, and I am celebrating each of my accomplished goals. I did my best raising my kids. I learned French. I have traveled four times to France and around Europe. I have traveled to east and west Canada. I relocated to the United States and married again, this time to a good man. I became an American citizen, and I graduated with honors with two college degrees. Currently, I am working on my master’s degree in education.
Most of all, I am at peace and grateful for life!
Here are my five tips for making your dreams a reality:
1. Start with the End in Mind
Picture in your mind living and enjoying your dream. Do it until the thought comes natural. Do it before falling asleep and before getting up, time when your subconscious mind is working at its peak.
2. Set Goals and Divide Them Into Stages
Immediate Goal—set a daily schedule and follow it for one month. Include at least two hours to brush up on skills related to your goal.
Short Term Goal—explore your options, mark dates on your calendar, and take the first step toward your goal. Take your first course.
Middle Term Goal—review your progress. Take another step, register for another course.
Long Term Goal—together, each stage forms your Main Goal.
3. Get Away from Negative People
Simply do not listen to words like, “You are wasting your time” or “At your age, nobody will hire you.” The people who say these things might be your spouse, parents, children, or best friends. They might have good intentions, but remember, you are working on achieving your goals, not theirs.
4. Take Responsibility for Your Emotions and Actions
Don’t take things personally, regardless of who is saying something you don’t like. Do not give them the power to rule your emotions. Take responsibility for your own feelings and your own actions. Nobody makes you sad, angry, or happy. You, and only you, have decided to feel that way.
5. Make a Commitment to Yourself
Commit to yourself, work hard by doing the best you can, avoid procrastination, and never give up.
Should you need guidance, I am here to help. Connect with me at GabrielaFord.com, on Facebook at facebook.com/gabrielaschaarford, or at info@gabrielaford.com. M! August/September 2015
Be sure to read Gabriela’s Marvelous! Woman profile!
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