Marvelous! Voices — Change Is Hard

By Cindy Young

Whoever said change is hard really knew how to turn a phrase, didn’t she? Change is hard and I’ve recently come to the realization that it doesn’t get easier with age. If anything, it just…gets…harder.

Frankly, at this stage of my life, I had expected to be at a point where I could merrily coast on out, more or less on autopilot, but the fates laughed at me (as they often have) and here I am, at 50-something (yep, there’s still a degree of vanity here) starting over again—new job, new home, new town, even a new state!

The perfect storm of circumstances that led to these big changes is irrelevant. What is relevant is how I’m going to approach these changes. Will I mope about what might have been, or why me…blah, blah, blah? Or will I view this as a grand new adventure? An opportunity to embrace new life experiences? Another chance to reinvent myself and see who I really want to be when I “grow up?”

One of my favorite movie lines is from the 2002 movie, “The Hours.” In that film, Nicole Kidman portrays the writer Virginia Woolf, and in a poignant scene she states, “You can’t find peace by avoiding life.”

Wow. The first time I heard that line was not long after my husband, Bill, died in an automobile accident in 2002. Admittedly (and understandably, I think), I desperately tried to avoid life during that time. Not that I wanted to end mine, you understand. I just didn’t want to participate in life. That simple movie line made a huge impact on me then.

I watched this movie again a few days ago (in my new location), and again, that line jumped out at me.

That sealed the deal. I purposefully, intentionally choose to embrace my new life and all the changes it brings. I believe that is how I will find inner peace.

How did I come to have this spirit? I credit the women in my life for my resilience. First, my mother. Georgia Wood gets all the credit (or the blame, depending on your perspective) for the young woman I became. She taught me to be independent and strong, to be able to take care of myself but to let others in when I needed help or when they needed help…or even when they needed me to need them.

Second, my girlfriends. I have been (and still am) truly blessed to know and become friends with an amazing group of women all across this country. Many of them are good friends. A small core group of them are sisters (you know who you are) that I cannot imagine my life without. In reflection, it’s pretty clear to me that through it all—the happiest times of my life as well as the darkest—it’s these girlfriends who are always…INFALLIBLY…there for me.

I can honestly say that without that tremendous support network of my female friends, I would have had nowhere near the success I have had in my life to date. They are, in a word, priceless.

I am not digressing from my topic of change. It is, in fact, these women and their unconditional support who have enabled me to embrace the various periods of change life has thrown my way over the years. Any time I have faltered, doubted myself or my abilities, or been convinced I just could not do what was expected of me, it was these friends who picked me up, dusted me off, pumped me up, and sent me back out there to try again. And often it was those second (and sometimes third or fourth) attempts that were successful.

Yes, change is hard, but I cannot imagine how hard it would be without the foundation provided me by my mother, and the support, love, and encouragement provided me by my circle of girlfriends. I dare say it would be impossible.

So where do I go from here? Good question. Just wish I knew the answer. What I do know is that change is hard, you can’t avoid life, and that your real girlfriends are priceless. As I wrote this, I started to say real girlfriends are “irreplaceable.” Sadly, that isn’t true. Some of my girlfriends have left my life over the years, either literally because of death or figuratively because of time, location or dispute. Neither of these is good, but the latter is the worst, and I realize I have some bridges to mend.

What I’ve also discovered is that where I’ve lost friends over the years, others have come into my life to help fill those voids. It doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten those who are gone. It just means my network is expandable. And for that I will be forever grateful.

Nope, you can’t find peace by avoiding life. As I head into this new phase of my life, I welcome all of you to join my grand new adventure, or begin one of your own. I look forward to adding to my circle of girlfriends. My mom would be so proud!

M! ON 2012